When you look in the mirror, who do you see? Do you see someone you trust, admire, and believe in? Or do you see someone who is always making mistakes and falling short?
The reality is who you see has little to do with what you are visually looking at. It has everything to do with what the little voice in your head is saying about you at any given time.
That little voice in your head, the one is constantly judging everything… that is your self worth.
Your self worth can be your best friend or your worst enemy. If your self worth does not deem you worthy from time to time, then this article is for you.
Here’s how to raise your self worth and trust yourself more:
Your self-worth is how confident you are in your own ability to accomplish something. You can have a high self worth when you are asking for a raise or promotion. However, you can have a low self worth when you are asked to present in front of a large group of people.
Your ability to trust yourself is directly linked to your comfort in the activity you are performing. You are rarely going to find yourself comfortable in every situation. There are going to be events in which you have built trust in yourself over time.
For example, you were not very confident in your abilities when you first started your career, but you realized your value over time. You discovered through your experiences that you had a lot to offer and plenty of companies will be interested.
Your self worth is your opinion of yourself. Make sure you keep it that way. Your self-worth should not be dependent or predicated on your interactions with others.
Another way of looking at this is to control what you can control. You can control things like effort and attitude, but you cannot control the reactions of other people.
While it may be hard to believe, most of the reactions you face in life have nothing to do with you. That person is usually going through something in their own life and they are attempting to understand how you impact their life. What if they were simply having a bad day and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?
There will be times you apply for a new job, and you are not even called for an interview. You start to wonder if you are not qualified for the position and you debate whether you should change your resume in some way. It is natural for you to look inward.
We all internalize rejection and think we are to blame. However, I can tell you firsthand that I have seen companies post positions online for an internal candidate that was already selected. They only posted the role online because they were required to do so by law.
So once they had a handful of applicants apply for the position, they would close the position and hire their internal candidate. In that situation, there was nothing you could change about your resume, cover letter, or salary requirements. The position was not yours to have and there was nothing you could do about it.
That is why you cannot allow external events to alter your self worth. When you internalize everything, you are assigning blame where there may be none.
There is a balance you need to find between preparation and action. While you do not want to run into a situation unprepared, you also do you want to procrastinate by over-analyzing of the problem.
The more time you go without taking action, the more reasons your mind is going to create for continued inaction.
If you want to increase your trust in yourself, then take some time to research your goal. Understand the amount of time it should take to accomplish, some of the setbacks people often face, and ways you can overcome them.
By taking the time to prepare, you are going to increase the trust you have in yourself.
Your goal is to use this information to create a road-map to mirror their success. Each article, encounter, or situation you read about is one more reason you know success is possible.
Now, you are operating from a position of strength. Now, it is not a question of “if” it is possible, but a question of “when” you will do it. You have created a proven system that is sure to create the results you want.
Once you have the system, all that is left is for you to take action. Setting a time to take action is important because you can know what to do and still not do it.
And as I mentioned already, if you want to overcome your fear and self-doubt, you need to take action. Taking action is the best way to prove to you have what it takes!
If you want to trust yourself, make sure you speak to yourself in a way that is encouraging.
Never say things like, “this always happens to me” or “I can never get it right”. These negative statements become self-fulfilling prophecies and they make it hard for you to believe and trust in yourself.
Instead, say things like, “he is working on this” or “that can happen to her once in a while”.
Did you notice my use of third person? Before you think I am crazy, let me explain:
Studies show how you engage in self-talk matters a lot, and the best way to speak to yourself is in third person. This allows you to put a little distance between you and your thoughts. This will allow you to be more objective, as well as reduce your overall stress when dealing with different situations.
If you do not like what you are saying, feel free to refer to those thoughts as another person altogether. Only assign your name to the thoughts that are positive and encouraging.
Here’re 15 Ways to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Success you can learn.
Studies have shown you can raise your self worth by changing the way you look at anxiety. Instead of attempting to calm down before the big meeting with your boss (as most of you have been told), you should view your anxiety as excitement.
Those who “reappraise their anxious arousal as excitement feel more exited and perform better.”
This tip reaffirms the thought that there is nothing necessarily good or bad, it is all about how you react to it.
In this case, if you feel anxious about a particular action you are about to take, do not tell yourself to calm down — that is playing into the hands of your self-doubt. Instead, if you tell yourself you are excited, like an athlete or performer before the big show, then you are setting the stage for victory.
It sounds counterproductive to link failure and trust, but hear me out:
If you are failing, then that means you are trusting yourself to take action.
I am a big believer that failure is a key factor of success. Think of all the highly successful people, or your favorite superhero movie, or any movie for that matter. Along the way to success, your main character is going to find themselves recovering from a setback.
They will be faced with the choice to persevere or quit. That is one of the reasons most people enjoy movies so much. You have an opportunity to live vicariously through their failures, share their heartaches, and celebrate their victories.
Now take a moment and think about the trials a main character endured through one of your favorite movies. There is going to be a moment where you can see they are fearful about the future. Where they believe failure is an inescapable result no matter what changes they make, or how many times they try.
Feeling defeated, they usually try to move on and live a lesser life, but something pulls them back into the fight. That moment of uncertainty and self-doubt is something you will face on your journey as well. When you find yourself with the choice to move on or retool, choose to get up and try again.
The more times you can fail in given day, the more confident you should be that success is on the horizon. This is why your self worth is so critical.
If you believe failure is a part of you, then there is no reason for you to continue. The results are the results and there is nothing you can do about it.
However, if you believe that the results are an indication of a lesson you need to learn, then you have an opportunity to make adjustments where need be and thrive.
If you are sitting for a certification and failed the first time, you can conclude you need to increase your understanding of the principles covered. This could mean you hire a tutor, join a study group, or purchase a better study guide.
If you return to our movie analogy, if you lost the fight, you may need to improve your strategy, combat skills or weaponry.
I will use Thor Ragnarok as an example. Thor is the God of Thunder and his hammer, Mjolnir is his go-to weapon of choice. He can use it to help him channel lightening, fly and just hit people in the face. It is natural to understand why he had so much trust in himself and his abilities. The problem occurs when Hela destroys Thor’s hammer and he believes all of his abilities are tied to his hammer. Turns out he actually had little to no trust in himself, just the hammer. The rest of the movie is Thor battling these inner demons and finding the resolve (and strength) to keep going.
There are studies that show a clear link between exercise, how you feel about yourself, and your performance.
You may have noticed the, “Can I trust myself” struggle is a reoccurring theme in Marvel movies…
Tony Stark had the same problem where he thought the suit made him Iron Man.
Peter Parker, received an upgraded suit in Homecoming… yup you guessed it. He thought the suit made him Spiderman.
Captain America’s was a little different, but the same overall. He trusted S.H.I.E.L.D. more than he trusted himself.
I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. The hero inside of each of us struggles with the question: Do I have what it takes?
So what is the takeaway?
Do not make the mistake of placing your trust in your investment. Whether that is a tutor, study guide, or anything else. The key is to better equip yourself so YOU can succeed (Emphasis on YOU).
Start by recognizing that everyone has confidence in the right situation and everyone has self-doubt in the wrong situation. See if you can recognize why your confidence levels are so high in one environment and so low in the other.
Then start taking the necessary steps to increase your self worth and build trust in your areas of improvement areas.
Just remember, building trust in yourself takes time and you need to be patient and diligent in your efforts.
Featured photo credit: Bart LaRue via unsplash.com