Do you have a big dream or goal for your life? Wondering how you’re going to get there or what could get in the way? Chances are, it’s your mindset.
There’s one common theme that underpins many theories about living your dream life: your mindset, beliefs and the way you think override everything.
I asked Steph Purpura, Co-founder of Powerful U, what topic she felt was most important in the area of personal development and growth, she instantaneously responded, ‘mindset’.
‘Mindset is how you choose to approach any situation. When you have an open and positive mindset, you are able to see the possibilities in any situation. When you go in with a closed or negative mindset, you are severely limiting your experience to the most negative aspects of any given situation. Positivity opens the realm of possibilities, while negatively closes down.‘
In his TED talk, Happiness Psychologist Shawn Achor shares,
‘It’s not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. Ninety percent of your long-term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world. And if we change our formula for happiness and success, we can change the way that we can then affect reality.’
Bottom line: Mindset is everything.
The story we tell ourselves is the story our mind believes. Our perception creates our reality. Our beliefs create our outcome.
Therefore, the quickest way to live the life of your dreams is to shift your mindset. The question then becomes, how? How do you change your underlying beliefs and thought patterns?
Here are 9 mindset shifts to help you live your dream life.
From “I’m not enough” to “I am awesome”
So much of what holds people back is the belief they have about themselves. And one of the most common beliefs? Feeling you’re not enough, not worthy, not deserving.
Steph, mentioned above, talks about her biggest mindset shift — learning how to question the lies she had told herself her entire life.
When she was 8 years old, she was sexually abused. She remembers standing in front of the mirror and telling herself how dirty, ugly and awful she was. She blamed herself for what happened and didn’t tell anyone about the abuse until she was an adult. She spent a lifetime telling herself lies about herself and believed them. It wasn’t until she was able to speak her truth that she was able to question the lies and shift her life.
For whatever reason you feel you’re not enough, know this: You were born enough. You are awesome, worthy and deserving of love, happiness and success. It’s not by chance that you have arrived here, on this planet, at this very time. You are not a mistake. There is only one you and people need what you bring to the world.
You are uniquely you. That is your superpower.
You are enough. You may not be able to believe this yet, but some part of you, deep down, knows this to be true.
From “I don’t have a choice” to “I always have a choice”
How many times have you felt trapped or that you didn’t have a choice?
You may not have control over the circumstances, and life will likely bring many challenges and difficulties, but you always have control over two very important things: your choices and attitude.
My favorite account of this shift is Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust. In his book, he shares,
‘Everything can be taken from us but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.‘
If Frankl can choose, when faced with those treacherous and unfathomable circumstances, surely we all can choose ours.
From “It is impossible” to “It is possible”
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. – Henry Ford
If you don’t wholeheartedly believe you can achieve something, it just won’t happen. Therefore, if you want to live your dream life, you first must believe that’s possible.
For many years, everyone believed it was physically impossible to run a 4-minute mile. They said the human body was incapable and your heart would explode.
In the 1940’s, someone ran it in 4: 01, a record that stayed for nine years. Then, in May 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running the mile in 3: 59.4. This didn’t happen solely by sheer hard work, training and passion. It happened because Roger believed that it was possible. He knew he could do it. He trained by visualizing the outcome.
Less than six weeks later, Australian John Landy ran it in 3: 58. Every year following, more people began accomplishing what was once thought impossible. Now, more than 1,400 individuals have run the 4-minute mile.
Once Barrister broke the perception of what people believed was possible, it opened up others’ minds to believe the same thing. When they thought they couldn’t, they couldn’t, and when they believed they could, they did.
The same is true for each of us. That goal, vision or intention you have for your dream life, do you believe it’s possible? If so, you are well on your way to making it happen! However, if there’s doubt or skepticism flooding your mind, the likelihood is low of you achieving your dreams.
From “looking for the bad” to “looking for the good”
Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place. – Tony Robbins
Belief in the good comes in a couple forms. The world and people.
Let’s start with the world. Studies on confirmation bias have proven we find what we’re looking for. People tend to (often unconsciously) look for things that reinforce what they already believe to be true. If you’re looking for what is good in the world, you’re going to see that. If you’re looking for what’s wrong, or believe the world is out to get you, guess what you’re going to see?
Instead, what if you believed that everything was happening for your greatest good? Even if it doesn’t seem that way. What if you assumed that everything was working out exactly as it should and that the world/universe/God has your back?
Now, let’s look at people. One of the key principles I use in all of my leadership and team development work is to ‘Assume Positive Intent.’ We often make assumptions and judgments about others based on their behavior, without understanding their underlying motivation. Assuming positive intent requires us to consider another’s intention before we judge that behavior. This might lead you to ask questions or seek to see things from their point of view.
Everyone is dealing with something you have no idea about, and sometimes what seems like an attack or slight against you is simply someone having a rough day, or just a different style than yours. How many fights have you had in your own head with someone who has no idea they even hurt or upset you – only to find out later it was just a miscommunication or misunderstanding?
From “life is a destination” to “life is a journey”
It’s true what they say, life is a journey, not a destination, so we might as well enjoy the ride.
If we are always trying to get ‘there’ (wherever ‘there’) is, we’re missing out on where we are now. The gifts, beauty and the joy that each moment brings. When you stay in the present, you can see opportunities, take advantage of the unexpected, go with the flow and listen to that little voice inside you.
On the flipside, when you are attached to a particular outcome or the way things should be, you can become disappointed about the way things actually are. But they are what they are! If you can take each moment to accept, learn and grow, and not wish things were different, you’ll find greater happiness and fulfillment.
People often get stuck in the when/then trap. They say, ‘When I meet someone, I’ll be happy?’ or ‘When I get the promotion I’ll be satisfied at work?’ or ‘When I have more money, I’ll make the change.’ You can choose to be happy today. You can find what you need to be satisfied at work. You can make the change without the money.
From “what’s the worst that can happen” to “what’s the best that can happen”
We spend so much life fearing the inevitable…and how much of what you fear actually comes to light? How much energy do you waste wondering, ‘what if…’, anticipating consequences, complications, risks and what could go wrong?
All those what-ifs are like an app running in the background on your phone. They drain your battery. And since worrying will never change the outcome, why not do something that will?
I see so many people paralyzed by all the what ifs and potential ramifications of their actions. But the people I’ve seen be most successful are those who focus on the possibility, the opportunity, the potential. That doesn’t mean you ignore the risks or potential challenges; it just means you don’t let them stop you from moving forward!
From “I must fit in succeed” to “I must be myself to succeed”
Do you know what the number one regret of the dying is? A wish to have… “Had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me”.
Throughout our lives, we are taught who we have to be in order to fit in and be successful. But what others need and expect from us isn’t always how we thrive at our best. Often, by trying to fit in, we lose our unique gifts, talents and even our sense of self.
You can’t compare yourself to others. We think we are competing against each other, yet we are all running a different race. Frankly, the only one you really need to compete against is yourself.
True and lasting success comes from authenticity, congruence and becoming the best version of YOU.
From “watering the weeds” to “watering the flowers”
You’ve all probably heard of the Law of Attraction and how to manifest your best life. So much of that knowledge and wisdom comes from where you put your energy.
Many years ago, I was running a training session for a group of coaches and consultants. At one point, I was feeling insecure and doubting myself. It was stressing me out and more importantly, I wasn’t serving the group best.
During a lunch break, I confided in my co-facilitator about my doubts. He was an experienced trainer and a mentor of mine and shared something with me I have never forgotten.
‘Tracy, think of your attention like a garden hose. When you are in front of others, and you’re worried about what they’re thinking, your attention is not on them. When you’re thinking about how you sound, if you’re doing a good job, or anytime you’re in your own head, then the hose is pointing inward and you’re watering the weeds. But when you put your energy out, your appreciation on them and you focus on what the group needs, you are turning the hose towards the room…then you’re watering the flowers. So, you have a choice, do you want to water the weeds or the flowers?’
Was that a trick question? Of course I wanted to water the flowers!
From “what’s missing” to “what you’re grateful for”
Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance – Eckhart Tolle
Being grateful is one of the simplest, yet most powerful things you can do to live your dream life.
Studies continue to prove the benefits from expressing gratitude; ranging from how it improves relationships, physical and emotional health, and sleep to mental stamina, energy and overall happiness. Did you know that it’s physically impossible to feel fear and gratitude at the same moment?
The next time you feel you’re lacking in your life, the next time you feel jealous of what others have or unsatisfied with what you have, try switching to gratitude. Acknowledge all the good in the world. Recognize all that you have and that you are grateful for.
As you read these shifts, what did you notice? Which one(s) resonated with you the most? Which do you believe will help you live your dream life? Which strategies will you try?
Now, take it a step further. Stop scrolling and before you move on to the next thing, ask yourself a few more questions…
If you’re ready to live your dream life, then it’s time to shift your thinking.
Shift your thinking, shift your life.
You decide who you want to become. You decide how you get there. Create the vision you have for yourself and your dream life and go after it. Remove all the barriers in your way, especially those in your mind.
Remember, in order to change your story, you must consistently tell yourself a new story. In order to change, you must be willing to change. In order to shift, you must have an open mind and desire to grow.
‘Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.’ — Gandhi
Are you ready to live your dream life? Great, let’s get going!
Featured photo credit: Adrianna Van Groningen via unsplash.com